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What a Card! Soup strainers, flavor savers, and lip rugs.

November. The writing community is all abuzz with National Novel Writing Month. The incel crowd is going their own way through their weird masturbation fast. Most of us will eat entirely too much slightly overcooked poultry and pass out in front of a football game a couple of Thursdays from now.

November is also “Movember”, where many people will choose to forego shaving parts of their faces in order to raise awareness for conditions that tend to affect people who also grow mustaches, such as prostate and testicular cancers, mental health, and suicide prevention.

If you’re interested in abandoning your razor to raise money or just to raise awareness for the campaign, you can sign up on the official Movember website.

November’s a little over a week old now, so some of you may already have your Mo well underway. You might even find yourself standing before the mirror wondering what shape your Mo should take. After all, we’re raising awareness for an important cause! You want to stand out in a crowd!

To help with your decision making, I’ve recruited some of my favorite mustachio’d baseball players to model for us some of the many options available to the hairy-lipped masses.

Feel free to take inspiration from the hirsute honeys displaying these stache styles:

1. The Horseshoe

Almost doesn’t count here – This tash is a go big or go home game

2. The Captain Hook

3. The Mutton-Mo Combo

When you want your face warm but your chin cold

4. The Walrus

Goo goo g’joob

5. The Matching Eyebrows

There’s something to be said for symmetry.
It’s not something good, but it’s something.

6. The Custer


7. The Skinny

He’s dreaming about the day those patches fill in. It’s coming, John.

8. The Chevron

A variation on The Matching Eyebrows, the Chevron is a very popular low-effort option.

9. The Pencil

Alternately titled: The Gomez Addams

10. The Cat-Tail

If this isn’t Mike Fiers’s card next year we should all riot.

No mo to grow? try the Got Milk?

ok but I’m gonna get strawberry to match my hair.


Add a Comment
  1. I thought I’d never have to see that Fiers’s picture again and now it’ll def haunt my dreams tonight thank you IFG!!

  2. The “Mutton-Mo” combo is known as the “Friendly Muttonchops”. It keeps the cheeks and upper lip warm whilst minimising the inadvertent collection of tiny pieces of boiled egg at breakfast.

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